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Joke of the Day

"So I was in bed with this woman and she said, ""Not in the ass."" I said, ""Hey, it's my thumb, it's my ass. If you don't like it, go in the other room."" Garry Shandling"

"10 yr old brother put a twist on this joke I saw awhile back. Why do the Irish serve up their chili with 139 beans? Because one more would be one-farty bowl of chili!"

"Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat, and into the water? Because if they fell forward, they'd fall into the boat."

"I once dated a girl with twelve nipples Sounds weird, dozentit?"

"What do you say if you're testing a new firearm? ""I'll take a shot"""

"Man next to to me just said into his phone ""You caught me in the middle of a sandwich."" He's lying. He is not in a sandwich."

"Why do French tanks come equipped with rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle."

"If you're not sure how to spell a word, there are thousands of English professors on Twitter who will correct you."

"Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I'm not authorized to make those decisions"

"Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops."