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Joke of the Day
"*Eats a snack while making a snack*"
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"So a grasshopper walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey we have a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper replies, ""You have a drink named Steve?"" favorite corny joke"
"You guys wanna hear a joke? Ellen Pao"
"Thinking about going as a prostitute for Halloween, but confused about at what point turning a trick becomes a treat."
"A day in the life of a dick A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his next door neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and his owner beats him on a daily basis."
"What do Brits call a fleshlight? A blowtorch."
"An eskimo sitting in a kayak was chilly. He lit a fire. Unsurprisingly the kayak sank. Moral: You can't have your kayak and heat it too."
"Who says Republicans aren't into recycling? Mitt Romney's thinking of running for President, again."
"But Honey, if I stop eating this third bowl of Cap'n Crunch just because the roof of my mouth is bleeding, then the terrorists have won."
"you used to call me on my nokia phone"