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Joke of the Day

"They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!"

"As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel."

"If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a person, who the fuck knows what's gonna happen."

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? Well it's not hard, really..."

"Sometimes when I talk to people I start pointing at crouches. (Point)"

"What did the waitress say to the man who wouldn't stop staring at her while she refilled his glass? Take a pitcher, it'll last longer!"

"what do you do if you see your ex , running around in your front yard covered in blood and screaming for help ? stay calm . reload . and try again."

"Trump says ""The less immigrants we let into our country the better!"" Pence, correcting Trump, says ""The Fewer"" Trump says ""Whoa Mike don't call me that just yet"""

"Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord."