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Joke of the Day

"Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal? He ran his business on a skeleton crew."

"I think Facebook is ruining my life. I'm going to log off and I'm not coming back...for at LEAST an hour!"

"""Well, I guess I'll stagger around, speak gibberish, & touch all the shit I'm not supposed to while you get irritated."" Drunks & toddlers."

"GOP threatens to shutdown government unless Obama changes color of skin."

"I'd like to introduce you to someone. Black jelly bean, this is garbage can. Garbage can, this is black jelly bean."

"My pastry factory has been pretty successful... So far we've had a good turnover."

"A group of crows plan a meet up... it was a premeditated murder."

"[Ouija board] Spirits are you there? U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K *flips board*"

"I dreamed that midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bulletproof car. Since they were midgets, I bought a convertible."

"Doc: ""Your arm is broken. I'll put you in a cast for a while and it'll recover."" Me: ""Ok, but I don't get how being in a movie will help."""