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Joke of the Day

"Ew, I bet people who call people hipsters as an insult don't even have a favorite kombucha flavor"

"Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies."

"Robocop seems pretty cocky for a guy that can't swim."

"Venice, Italy What do you get from a frisky, naked old Venetian man who can't get it up and has difficulty walking? Canal."

"The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs SO GUESS WHO JUST BECAME A SLUG"

"My greatest fear is having a star athlete injure himself and having the coach look into the crowd and point at me to take his place"

"What's the difference between a prostitute with dysentery and an epileptic oyster shucker? The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits."

"The Snooze Button: because your first act of the day should be procrastination."

"ISIS commander to troops ISIS commander: Do you guys know what the leading cause of goat rape is? Troops: No, what? ISIS commander: Sexy Goats ;)"

"Whats the point in picking up a bag of pills... ...if you are just going to drop them?"