103269

Joke of the Day

"They say that dog is mans best friend ... ... but I don't have enemies that stare me directly in the eye whilst taking a shit on my carpet"

"sometimes i visit websites that have videos of people making love"

"How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite? Namaste home tonight."

"John Cena woke up in the hospital John Cena woke up in the hospital with no idea of what was going on. The nurse walked in and he asked ""Where am I?"" She responded ""ICU"" He said ""No you don't."""

"Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now."

"you're honor, my client- hold on.. *long recess w/ client* ok my really high client wants to know if he can eat his Cheetos during the trial"

"If I had a dog I'd say ""I have a bone to pick with you!"" and then we'd go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we'd laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh"

"Some numbers walk into an Irish pub. 2 orders an Irish Car Bomb. 1 says ""2, please!"""

"Your mother reminds me of Eminem... She only worth fiddy cent."

"I sex you, but I'm not 'in sex' with you."