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Joke of the Day

"I sex you, but I'm not 'in sex' with you."

"I'm too calm to be a Dermatologist. I refuse to make rash decisions."

"I'm a Buddhist pothead so I hope I'm reincarnated as a horse so I can come back and eat grass all day."

"Instagram would have been a good name for a weed delivery service"

"The scariest moment in any man's life is when his wife stops talking and it's his turn to say something in a conversation he's been ignoring"

"Math is like my parenting. I do it when I have to, but I'm not great at it."

"Godzilla vs. A Floor Scattered With Legos"

"In High School they used to call me Big Tim, but it wasn't because of my height, Ladies ;).... .....its because I was Morbidly Obese."

"Did you know that 95% of Jews aren't Jews? They're dead"

"If you've seen one lion attack you've seen a maul"