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Joke of the Day

"They tell you to wear layers on a day like this, but I always end up uncomfortably warm in this suit of lasagna."

"Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours"

"Pizza Rolls are just Hot Pockets for midgets"

"A wireless bra? They weren't tricky enough, now I need a password?"

"Deadpool was Green Lantern Batman was Daredevil Captain America was Human Torch And we're just gonna walk around like EVERYTHING is OK???"

"what did the farmer say win he lost his tractor ""wheres my tractor"""

"How do you gently wake up a sleeping baby? Don't preheat the oven when you bake it."

"What am I doing today? Well I forgot my headphones so probably murders."

"Apparently, ""Step up your game"" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are."

"If you ever get arrested, lighten the mood by pretending to go for his gun."