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Joke of the Day

"Pizza Rolls are just Hot Pockets for midgets"

"Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from."

"For tax purposes, my carpe is now per diem."

"Did you hear about the 2 guys who stole a calendar? they each got 6 months"

"Two men were having a drink together. One said ""I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife."" ""Why's that?"" asked the other. ""Because she's always trying to bite my head off"" he replied."

"Life doesn't matter. Life IS matter."

"Sorry I declined your Facebook friend request, but I can't have those sideburns popping up in my news feed unannounced."

"I'm going to get some hate here. Is methodist a religion that worships meth?"

"So the Middle Eastern restaurant near my house has been selling baby meat I regret ordering the 'pita platter of tiny feet'"

"I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes."