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Joke of the Day

"""Whatever you do in bed, Sealy supports it"". Clearly whoever came up with that ad doesn't watch CSI."

"What did the goldsmith say when he stubbed his toe? Au"

"Sees 40+ notifications. Starts to wonder if I accidentally uploaded a nude."

"Someone just filled me in about those small places in the hot, sandy desert called an ""Oasis."" ... That's where the Arab boys go to eat their dates."

"Nothing like the dreaded ""Mom I missed the bus"" text to get you up and moving."

"When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what? We do."

"A truck just flipped a dead squirrel onto my windshield and it's stuck in my wiper. I guess I don't have to stop to get supper tonight."

"My doctor says i have that ""Hannah Montana"" illness He said it was a Miley Virus"

"I could literally eat every day and not get sick of it."

"*purposely chooses network with most dropped calls*"