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Joke of the Day

"A truck just flipped a dead squirrel onto my windshield and it's stuck in my wiper. I guess I don't have to stop to get supper tonight."

"How many ears does Spock have? Three The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear"

"[PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever"

"""this is your captain speaking. i bet you're reading this in a man's voice. well guess what! i'm a woman captain. women are captains too."""

"What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."

"[Ouija board] O spirits, let me talk to m- C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-N-G C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I *squints* What the heck? A 3G board?"

"Customer: Waiter look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers too?"

"Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open? Because she expected some change in the weather."

"Redneck yoga. What did the redneck say to the yoga instructor when she asked him to leave the class? Nahimastay"

"If Al Gore started a math rock band it should be called Algorhythm"