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Joke of the Day

"What's the famous Confederacy battle cry? We Surrender!"

"Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs...""Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"""

"What is yellow and cant swim? An excavator. Why? It only has one arm."

"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"What do we want? A cure for Tourette Syndrome! When do we want it? Cunt!"

"What do you call a mix between an elephant and a rhino? 'Ell if I know"

"*beats a guitar hero song on expert mode* *changes Twitter bio to ""musician/songwriter""*"

"Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics? Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states."

"Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we'll be moving any second now."

"Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill."