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Joke of the Day

"WHAT IS SEX? HUSBAND: A minute of PLEASURE, then years of PRESSURE! WIFE: Moments of ECSTASY, followed by decades of SLAVERY! MISTRESS: Just stolen TIME, but never MINE! HOOKER: NEXT!"

"My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much But in the end it doesn't even matter"

"When can a woman make you a millionaire? When you're a billionaire (Credit to Kevin Hart)"

"How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don't have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off."

"What's blue and square? An orange in disguise! Boom!!!"

"How is an undergraduate degree like a pedophile? A minor makes both of them hard"

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

"Dad: Why do you smell like weed? Me: How do you know what weed smells like?! Busted, mister! You're grounded for a week. Dad: Okaayy :("

"What's the biggest Jewish conundrum? Free Bacon!"

"Just heard a weird noise from the other room, but refuse to call out ""Is anyone there?"" I've seen the movies...those people always die!"