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Joke of the Day
"Whelp. It's December. That time of year when I have zero excuse for being so sweaty."
Next Joke
"*sees Arnold Schwarzenegger working at Walmart* ""hey Arnold, kitchen appliances are toward the back of aisle B right?"" ""YES. AISLE B, BACK"""
"I put the ""m"" in illiterate"
"""My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..."" (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* ""You give me Green Card now, yes?"""
"The only Christmas spirit you'll see from me this year is a bottle of rum under your tree."
"I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers."
"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"""
"NSFW What is the noisiest thing in the world? Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof."
"Did you hear about the scarecrow that got an award? It was for being outstanding in his field."
"Sending dick pics is for amateurs... Real men get out there and disappoint women in real life."