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Joke of the Day

"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."

"Can putting ketchup on everything affect your credit score?"

"I once helped an elderly Japanese man cross the street. Afterwards he said, ""Sank you."" So I punched him in the face. He didn't have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that."

"When you're alone in your room, start doing karate so ghosts know what's up."

"[teen me w/GF in my dad's car] Me: You wanna do it? Her: *giggling* Yes Me: *hears voice whisper no glove, no love* GET OUT OF THE CAR MOM"

"The frog was double parked... And that's why she got Toad."

"All my sisters ex fiance smoke pot... She just couldn't marijuana them."

"Massive US blizzard advancing north. African American community complains about exclusion of black snowflakes."

"What is the best name for an acrobat? Phillip"

"""Want to get a drink?"" ""Later:"" ""How about now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" ""Later."" ""Now?"" --If the Windows Auto Updates pop up was your friend."