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Joke of the Day
"What did the egg say to the boiling water? Sorry I can't get hard right now. I just got laid."
Next Joke
"""I don't know the government, and I'm not giving them any of my coins."" - my 4yo after I explained taxes"
"So, this baby seal walks into a club... [o(;_;)o](http://youtu.be/TK2TuqcNWPY?t=30s)"
"Have I been shadow banned? Nevermind, turns out my comments just suck."
"It's never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she's on a whole other level."
"How do you fit an elephant in a Safeway bag? Take the 'F' out of safe and the 'F' out of way."
"If you eat Skittles while drinking NyQuil, you can taste the rainbows on Pluto."
"Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that's all you'll have to make your kids think you're cool."
"What's a narcissist's favorite color? Reflection"
"What do you get if you cross a firefly and a moth ? An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !"