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Joke of the Day

"Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer."

"What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff? Baa-Dum-Sss"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Off duty cop: No *cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro* You're driving great, pal"

"Kenya please explain why you called Chad a Niger? You Congo around using words like that or all of a Sudan you Ghana have no place Togo"

"The fabric of our lives? Why so epic, Cotton?"

"I lost my to-do list I don't know what to do"

"if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree"

"Two months ago my teacher asked me the name of the clothes indian women wear. Is it too late now to say ""sari""?"

"How is Bud Light like sex on the beach? they're both fucking close to water"

"What do you call it when one guy demands that another guy go to the movies and give him a hand job? A mandate"