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Joke of the Day

"The fabric of our lives? Why so epic, Cotton?"

"Just when you think parenting can't be any weirder, you find yourself consoling your son, upset that he can't get a squirrel to hug him."

"I went camping in the snow. As the snow melted, water leaked in. It was the winter of my discount tent."

"Unappreciated diet tip: If you want to lose a significant amount of weight, it's important to start out really fat."

"""I think it's about time we had a white president"" - 8 year olds"

"Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms."

"[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy."

"What trees do skeletons like? S*pine* trees!"

"Why do men like BMWs? Because they can spell it. LOL LOL"

"I once went on a date with a girl called Simile... I don't know what I metaphor."