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Joke of the Day

"[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: ""everything's a competition to you"" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] ""no it's not"""

"My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there's only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person."

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"Two antenna met on a roof... fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much but the reception was *excellent*."

"What's Sarah Palin's favorite thing to do in the summertime? Parah Salin."

"So, my masturbation classes are not going to well I'm afraid... ...yesterday, nobody came."

"Where do you put people with ADHD? A concentration camp"

"Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed."

"They say dog is a man's best friend and diamonds are a girl's best friend but My best friends are cows because steak and handbags."

"Today is full of possibilities and I have a strong feeling none of them are mine."