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Joke of the Day

"What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court? Bay leaf get him out if here!"

"What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ? A lot of crackling on the line !"

"What do you call a Lesbian Dinosaur? A Lickalotofpuss"

"I don't date Left handed chicks cause you know, Lefty loosey Righty tighty."

"Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)"

"[Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*"

"The child in me says ""Eat candy for breakfast!"" but the adult in me says ""You're an adult! You can do whatever the fuck you want! Do it!"""

"THERAPIST: Your notes say that you ""scare easily"" and are ""quite disagreeable"". ME: *from behind the couch* That's not true."

"The reason angels can fly... ...is that they take themselves lightly. **G. K. Chesterton**"

"I put the short word in the slightly longer word."