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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between pedophile and acne? Acne waits till puberty to come all over the kids face"

"How do you call a dog without legs? you don't you go and grab him"

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"Eastman School of Music Fart Scale circa 1963 (no kidding - I did not make this up) In order of increasing pitch: Fahhrt Fuzz Fitty-Fuzz Poot Tarass Rattler"

"What has over a hundred teeth and keeps back Godzilla? my zipper!"

"I like my women like I like my cheese. Cold and blue."

"Wanna meet Santa's little helper?"

"Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone."

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 6 drinks"

"Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage."