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Joke of the Day

"Selfies are just sad reminders that you have no friends willing to take pictures of your face and cleavage."

"My mom said she is going Indiana. I said: That's gross mom I don't want to hear about your sex life."

"Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president."

"Why doesn't Elin Nordegren ever shop at the fish market? Because Tiger is always bringing home crabs!"

"Do you have to be from Vietnam to open up a restaurant called ""Viet Noms?"" I'm asking for a friend"

"In high school, everyone used to call me the class clown it was probably because of the face paint."

"I think the hardest part about being a cashier is telling the girl buying 3 pregnancy tests to ""Have a nice day"""

"Q: What should you do if windows crashes cost you a lot of money? A: You should bill Gates."

"I asked a genie for the ability to shoot microwaves from my hands... Clunk. These are heavy."

"Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy."