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Joke of the Day

"Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. ""If you build it...they will come""?"

"My wife handed me two kayak paddles and asked, ""Which one do you want?"" I said I'd take either/oar."

"Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it."

"A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How'd he do it? The horses name was Friday."

"I like asking girls if I can buy them a drink and when they say yes I yell ""YOU DON'T KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION"" and run away."

"Reasons I think I might be a puppet vampire: 1. Ah ha ha! 2. Ah ha ha! 3. Ah ha ha!"

"I was going to tell a Periodic table joke... ...But they all Argon"

"It's gonna be a long day. I can wait to get home and curl up with a good Internet."

"What do Amy Schumer and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."

"You like parachuting? That's messed up... you like the Paris Shooting!?"