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Joke of the Day

"A bird in the hand is worth nothing and is probably giving you duck AIDS. Put it back."

"Burger King's slogan ""Have It Your Way"" was shortened from ""Are You Sure You Wanna Eat This? Ok. Have It Your Way""."

"Q: How many screenwriters to make ""Titanic"" a good movie? A: One more than they had."

"A shampoo manufacturer had an accident. ..he suffered injuries to his head and shoulders."

"Selling Darwinian birds: 5 for $5 Buck finches; get money."

"What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park there, man!"

"My only talent is sleeping I could do it with my eyes closed."

"Whenever someone tells me ""make yourself at home"" at their house, I always clog their toilet"

"Dear Alcohol, we had a deal. u were suppose 2 make me funnier, smarter & put me in a good mood.... I saw the photos - we need to talk."

"[drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?"