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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many screenwriters to make ""Titanic"" a good movie? A: One more than they had."

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: ""Where's the self-help section?"" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."

"The recent fake excitement of soccer in the U.S. confirms my belief that Americans will pretend to like anything they can scream USA about."

"I had a dog with no legs.. I named him cigarette so I could take him for a drag."

"My boss treated me like a missile Fire and forget"

"What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbonzo bean? I wouldn't let a Garbonzo bean all over my face."

"I had a gay friend in high school... ...who fell into a coma. We called him Tomato: he was a fruit and a vegetable."

"it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses"

"Just got back from the Dollar Store. I bought two cars and a trip to Paris for three bucks."

"St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland."