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Joke of the Day

"Border patrol: Why do you have 100s of DVDs of Top Gun stuffed into your seat cushions Me: *sweating* BP: They aren't even illegal"

"Women should come with permanent mood rings."

"do you ever get a series of sharp pains like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they're viciously stabbing it? no? how about now?"

"Sometimes i feel like girls are like oscars And im leonardo dicaprio :("

"I heard a rude joke about Grizzlies the other day... ...but it doesn't bear repeating."

"What do you call three Make-a-Wish Foundation kids? A genie."

"*Boss approaches desk* ""What the fu.."" Me, wearing paper clip necklace - ""See? I knew you'd be mad so I made you one too"""

"There was once a conservative redditor"

"What if we've got it backwards? Maybe mustaches have a thing for pedophiles."

"What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day? St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish."