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Joke of the Day

"The message in a bottle is probably my favorite form of communication that involves throwing garbage in the ocean."

"Q. What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A. A shadow"

"*emerges from a large magic lamp,* it's me the Reasonable genie, please only wish for things like 'drive me to the airport'"

"Lost my girlfriend due to religion I'm pretty much numb to beheadings at this point."

"Knock knock! (A joke from my 5 year old sister) Knock knock! Who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry it's only a joke! ...I got rekt"

"WHAT IS THE BEST POSITION TO HAVE UGLY BABIES? I DON'T KNOW. ASK YOUR MOM."

"May I pay you handsomely, good sir? -Why yes you may. *opens wallet* *pulls out Ryan Gosling*"

"My wife says I have a drinking problem.. I don't remember ever getting blackout drunk though."

"I don't get why SRS is so loud. I'm pretty sure I turned off the ""Surround"" setting."

"One of my last days in town and my girlfriend asks me what I want to do, and I say we could just sit around. She says what will we sit around?"