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Joke of the Day

"Her: Baby, do that thing that makes me hot Me: *kisses her neck* H: *slaps me* I MEANT turn the thermostat up dummy, it's freezing in here"

"I like my women like I like my wine... ...locked in a dark basement for several years until they are mature enough to enjoy. Edit:yay made front page of the jokes!!!"

"What is E.T short for? He only has little legs."

"If my name was Rudolph Spermguzzler I would introduce myself like this: Hi, I'm Rudolph Spermguzzler, sorry if it's a bit of a mouthful."

"What do you call a virgin redneck? An orphan"

"Why are blacks so fit? From running away from fatherhood."

"If you accept small grammatical errors, decent society collapses and then everyone starts marrying dogs. That's what happened to Australia."

"I don't like when they use ""late"" to describe a deceased person. It's like give a guy a break on his attendance, he's dead."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face. credit to /u/crashdemon."

"Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs. Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page."