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Joke of the Day

"Today I found out my nephew is scared of the vacuum.. Today I also found out I have a very dark cruel evil side to me.."

"My penis is a gentleman ... It stands up so ladies have a place to sit down."

"[getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] ""I know you're not really an armadillo"""

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Many think it be 'r' but in fact it be the 'c'"

"If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me."

"Dunno how you Americans have the motivation and energy to pronounce the 'y' in 'basil' and 'tomatoes'."

"If Chris Redfield worked pest control... It would be called Resident Weavile."

"What animal is endangered by tooth decay? Molar bears!"

"My walk of shame is every time I leave a girl's house after watching ""How I Met Your Mother"" with her."

"What did the one wall say to the other wall? Meet you at the corner!"