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Joke of the Day

"*accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus* ... *makes distant thunder noises with mouth*"

"How do you sink a norwegian submarine? Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)"

"How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers? Because I think it makes perfect scents."

"Its ironic.... ... that you lot just don't get irony."

"""My computer just crashed"" is going to be a much more serious statement when self-driving cars are the norm"

"People are always telling me I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter. I've never seen the movies, but she must be a beautiful gal."

"Sean Connery: A Man Who Conquers All *obviously, this is read in the man's grizzled voice* What's the difference between your mother and a motorcycle? When I ride a motorcycle... I wear protection."

"What do you call an antelope that wants a big wedding? Cantelope"

"Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for"

"What's an Australian kiss? The same thing as a French kiss, except it's Down Under."