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Joke of the Day

"If you don't pretend you're in a spaceship every time you walk through some automatic doors, you're too mature for me"

"Before an army officer can get married, they need to know the rules of engagement."

"My New Job I told my wife I had a new job in a bowling alley. She said 'Ten pin?' I said 'No, it's permanent'"

"""Expecto me to be there"" Harry Potter RSVPing to a party"

"Why do Cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose"

"We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick."

"For Sale: 2010 Honda Civic. Well maintained. Some Zipcar logos. Must purchase in next three hours."

"This barbecue must be amazing. Everything is at steak."

"What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the point."

"Did I tell you that my girlfriend has the flu? Yeah, basically."