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Joke of the Day

"Guys can we please stop making jokes about obesity? They have enough on their plate already."

"Doritos announced new Pride-Flag inspired rainbow colored tortilla chips This will be the first time finishing a bag of Doritos has ever been associated with pride. Credit: @LateNightSeth"

"""I'm thinking of running a marathon again."" I told my friend. ""You've run a marathon before?"" she asked, with an air of admiration. I said, ""No, but I've thought about it."""

"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."

"What was Hitler favorite TV show? The Amazing Race"

"Look I'm not racist at all... My best friend was black until my dad sold him."

"Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON."

"When police tell you to put your hands up and stop running you can still legally flee with a rapid series of cartwheels."

"I know Mexican culture is big on traditions: baptism at birth, ear piercing as a baby, but what's the one they do when they turn 15? Have a baby."

"Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken"