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Joke of the Day

"Why was the pilot jealous of the chef? Because of his ground thyme."

"[Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering."

"Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen."

"What do we want? ROCK HARD ABS! When do we want them? THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!"

"I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby."

"Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago."

"How did Steve Jobs die? From PC"

"Whats the definition of love true love and showing off? Spitting swallowing and gargling."

"Why was the fish swimming backwards? It didn't want to get water in its eyes."

"""Remember those funny tweets about Keith? And, the Chad jokes? Haha! They were great! We should do those again. Right, guys? Guys?"" - Karen"