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Joke of the Day

"Libraries are a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk."

"My sister asked her husband to help wrap (presents) So he said ""then throw down a beat"""

"What do you call a scary bee? A boo bee."

"If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats."

"Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch."

"I once killed an enemy soldier by cutting off his feet. I defeated him."

"When I was 20, a stranger ran up to me in the street and said we should get a divorce. That set the tone of weirdness for my adult life."

"(._.) ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) (._.) They see me rolling. They hating."

"What do you call it when a prayer is answered? A coincidence."

"DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here [earlier that morning] ME: *trying to get up for work*"