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Joke of the Day

"My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it."

"I don't think 'safe sex' sounds like a very good idea. I mean, what if you get locked in and forget the combination"

"How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change..."

"Want to hear a funny presidential joke? Donald Trump."

"I've been watching the Crime Investigation channel all day. Murder just seems like the easiest way to solve your problems."

"What does a math teacher say when they leave? calc-U-LATER"

"when i got asked to do the thanksgiving prayer Thanks Obama!"

"What has four hairy legs and likes to fuck my sister? My dad and I."

"What's the opposite of pro? Con. So what's the opposite of progress?"

"Last time I saw my boyfriend he was getting on a plane to Helsinki. You might say he vanished into Finnair."