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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's refusal to learn the difference between baking soda and washing soda leaves me foaming at the mouth"

"Curiosity killed the cat, and got your daughter pregnant."

"Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics."

"Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong."

"Why Did Barbie Never Get Pregnant? Because Ken always came in another box."

"[interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog ""so what color is this dress?"" oh you gotta be kidding me"

"Why does Michael Jackson like 26 year Olds? Because there are twenty of them."

"Gays in the military ""If gay men were allowed in the army, Saving Private Ryan will be a lot shorter, because it wouldn't take them 3 hours to find Matt Damon"" Adam Hills"

"My 5 year old daughter wants a Tampon for Christmas She has no idea what it is, but she knows what you can do with it. Swim, ride, hike, dance, play tennis, ..."

"A man using the new Apple maps walks into a bar... ... or maybe a hotel. or possibly a church."