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Joke of the Day

"Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks today..."

"Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!"

"What did the sister cell say to her sister cell when she stepped on her foot? Ow Mytosis! Credits to Amanda Damiani"

"The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them."

"My electric toothbrush broke so now I have to use my acoustic one"

"Is there a hole in your shoe? No?! Then how'd you get your foot in it?!"

"Trump has no mistresses... He has alternative fucks."

"[Bank robbery] *Other robbers jump into getaway van* ""DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!"" ""Okie dokie."" * Starts to adjust mirrors*"

"To err is human, to eh is Canadian."