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Joke of the Day

"""Doctor, tell me, if I quit drinking will, will I live longer?"" ""It will definitely feel longer. """

"NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs..."

"The only thing better than an orgasm is being interrupted by stupid bullshit while you're masturbating. I hate stopping at toll booths!"

"My wife didn't believe me when I told her I'd built a car out of spaghetti, penne and tortellini... ......You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta."

"Q: What do you call a girl with only one leg? A: Eileen"

"What advice to cows give? Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!"

"What's the difference between the US and Russian Presidents? US presidents get shot while Russian presidents take shots."

"""Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"" ""That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"""

"Bet you can't see your dick My colleague said to me, ""I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."" ""No, just your daughter's head,"" I replied."

"So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem? comes out of nowhere."