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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement? A 401(K-9)."
Next Joke
"My son asked me why girls pee sitting down. I told them they're lazy."
"Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs."
"Why are the best psychoanalysists Asian? Because they grew up listening to Pink Freud."
"Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says... ""Eoooooooohahhhhhmmmmmmmuuuuuuaaauuu..."" The second whale turns to the first and says. ""Frank what the fuck is wrong with you?"""
"You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning."
"My cat just winked at me and now it's awkward because I only see her as a friend."
"When is carotene going to get out of beta mode?"
"There's something I should tell you... ""Oh god what is it"" I have crabs ""NOOO"" *holds up two crabs* ""Oh I thought you meant-"" And HIV ""NOOO"""
"Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears."