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Joke of the Day

"Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye."

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"Did you know there is a dating website for amphetamine addicts? Speeddating.com"
"What do you call the security at a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy, or firefighters."
"In the south, you're either ghetto, or a farmer. You can't be both, otherwise... *It's racism.*"
"Two skeptics walk into a bar.. I'd tell you what happens next but noone knows"
"What did one redneck say to the other? If you were anymore inbred, you'd be a sandwich."
"While in prison, I asked the Calvinist, ""Why did you kill your family?"" He answered, ""I had to know."""
"There is only one ideal dance partner & it is an empty apartment"
"How can you tell if a hippie has been at your house? He's still there."
"My daughter did a cart wheel and slammed her head right into the coffee table. That's all the DNA test I need."