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Joke of the Day

"Tommy went to his mom in the kitchen and said: 'Mom! Mom! The dog is having sex!' So mom says: 'Try not to pay attention to it, sweetheart.' to which Tommy responds: 'But it hurts so much!'"

"Scientists have found the number one cause of pedophilia. Sexy children."

"hey @BestBuy a worker here has a hole cut out of his polo for his nipple ring to show through. he says ""it's new and needs to breathe"""

"Making Weatherproof Clothes by Ranier Day"

"BEYONCE: do u like my album JAY: [thinking to self] if anyone hears this i'll be ruined JAY: [out loud] we should make it a tidal exclusive"

"I like my science like I like my penises: hard."

"What's one thing that a canoe will do that a Jew won't? tip!"

"Just made eye contact with a truck driver while eating a corn dog at a convenience store and now I hate everything."

"I tried changing my facebook name into Stephen Hawking but it said the username is invalid."

"When I first met my wife I asked her if she smokes after sex She got quiet for a second then said,"" I don't know, I've never checked ""."