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Joke of the Day

"Scientists have found the number one cause of pedophilia. Sexy children."

"Just took a short nap, although I wouldn't exactly call it a cat nap since I didn't lay on anyone's clothes or laptop like a total asshole."

"I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver."

"Did you hear about the professor that got in a horrible wreck? He was grading papers on a curve."

"Which Sri Lankan do Star Wars fans like? May Theforcebewithyou."

"Poor Richard Simmons. He got tangled in his work-out mat, and now he's a fruit roll-up."

"Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set? She didn't know either"

"Without ME, it's just AWESO."

"Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling ""LET THE BEETS DROP!"" And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable."

"I joke a lot about how horrible my wife and kid are, but in reality you should know that it's not funny at all and it really sucks for me."