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Joke of the Day

"*glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat..."

"INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure"

"Which November holiday is a weed smoker's favorite? Danksgiving."

"A cactus as a houseplant is a good way to let people know that you've killed every other living thing that you've ever been responsible for."

"Where do you find the best tofu in the entire world?"

"When I draw a fish I always.... ... Draw it to scale"

"Why were the inventors of the airplane correct in thinking they could fly? Because they were Wright."

"What do you call it when you flip a quarter and it lands on its edge. *coin*cidence"

"On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green."

"What do pedophile sex-tourists and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under a minute."