99769

Joke of the Day

"Last night I reached for my medicine and accidentally drank from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction."

"I used to have to read my kids a bedtime story every single night until I started randomly killing off characters to amuse myself."

"[10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!"

"Take it Like a Man ""Take it like a man"" is a phrase that means something completely different if one is hit in the crotch."

"Today's joke from Russian-language Internet ""You know, they've built a George Orwell memorial in Russia!"" 'What? Where?"" ""Pretty much everywhere."""

"Goodnight computer *instantly grabs phone*"

"Why did the condom hit the wall? It was pissed off."

"My wife said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I put her into the back of a Mercedes and drove her into a wall."

"A man goes to a partially deaf doctors Man: Doctor Doctor I can't remember who sang the Pinball Wizard. Doctor: The....... who?"

"Scary is handing your car keys to the same kid who unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom that morning."