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Joke of the Day

"[speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens"

"Baby's first knock knock joke Knock knock Who's there? HaHa! You're never going to get this one!"

"I have pet snakes, turtles, and lizards. They are a family but I think they hate each other. I think I have A reptile disfunction."

"I go to a muscular dystrophy support group. We meet weakly."

"Did you hear about the gay midget? He came outta the cupboard ."

"Said ""large"" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting ""Venti, Venti, Venti!"" and a mass suicide occurred."

"The other day I tweeted about a married black woman hitting on me #blackwivesflatter"

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side!!"

"i like dropping off a tweet to FB & watch as everyone cautiously forms a circle around it, looking confused while prodding it with a stick."

"A friend asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. My response: Oh, about 20 minutes."