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Joke of the Day

"Said ""large"" today at Starbucks, and everyone starting chanting ""Venti, Venti, Venti!"" and a mass suicide occurred."

"A chicken and an egg are lying in bed The chicken, smoking a cigarette, turns to the egg and says, ""Well, I guess we answered that question."""

"Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014."

"I used to think I was indecisive ... ... but now I'm not so sure."

"What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night ? Russell !"

"Why does carpet never make a sound? It's the world's quietest pervert."

"1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There's no episode where a man asks a woman 'what's wrong?'"

"My sex life lately has been like very fine jewelry 100% handmade"

"What's an Apple Scottish self-aware computer called? I, Mac."

"Elephants being eliminated from Ringling Brothers performances. Did you hear the elephants are being eliminated from Ringling Brothers performances. They were told to pack their trunks."