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Joke of the Day

"Obama: we need to create a plan to reduce pollution Biden: *turns from watching captain planet* have you asked the planeteers for help?"

"If Microsoft releases a car... If Microsoft releases a car called Win10 . The same car would fit all size of drivers, from ants to Whales."

"How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it"

"Apparently there is a way to permanently remove memories But I forgot it."

"Pavlov goes on a trip... But when someone rings a bell he realizes he forgot to feed the dog."

"Why did the liberal go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"

"What's the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler? Michael Phelps can actually finish off a race"

"Michael J Fox called me earlier but of course he had dialed the wrong number."

"i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative"

"Have you heard of the, great, ancient Greek philosopher Mediocrates? His primary philosophical viewpoint is ""eeeeehhh"""