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Joke of the Day

"Obama: we need to create a plan to reduce pollution Biden: *turns from watching captain planet* have you asked the planeteers for help?"

"So you guys heard about this MySpace thing?"

"Complicated I was playing a game the other day with a storyline that made spaghetti look like a straight line"

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An IN-VEST-IGATOR!"

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down he sneered at me, and I thought ""Well that was a little condescending."""

"You can't tell me what to do, you're not my dog"

"My friends keep telling me to stop impersonating butter. But I can't. I'm on a roll now"

"A friend told me I take twitter way too seriously. Don't worry, I unfollowed her."

"There was a social anxiety convention No one showed up."

"Ben Carson: Health care is not a right. Trump: We're not gonna just let people die in the streets! Carson: Oh you're so hippocratical!"