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Joke of the Day

"I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat... She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not."

"How does the alchemist please his wife? Elixir!!!!!"

"Did you hear about the tumblr user who wrote a play about foxes? They called it Fennec-Kin's Wake"

"Why did hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill."

"Why did the strawberry go out with the pineapple? Because he couldn't get a date!"

"After the Heimlich maneuver what's the best way to stop someone from choking? To pull it out."

"Why was the lobster upset? Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!"

"59 It's like a 69, but one person is in a wheelchair."

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"If there was any award for laziness, I probably would send someone to pick it up for me."