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Joke of the Day

"I took my wife to see the doctor today hoping to sort out her tourettes problem. It turns out she doesn't have it... I am a bastard and she really does want me to f**k off..."

"What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj? A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P"

"2 Jews walk into a bank. Bartender looks at them and says, ""Damn, I'm in the wrong joke."""

"Do you know what happened to my tooth in the dentist's office? [Filled]"

"Some bastard stole my penis warmer off the washing line last night... I'm not bothered about the penis warmer, I would just like the 30 pegs back."

"Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation."

"Have a Coke and a smile! I opened up a can of Coke, and on the side it said: ""Share a Coke with your Soulmate."" So, I put the can in my right hand."

"My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork."

"Do you or anyone you know regularly kill it on the web with net posts? You may be entitled to a false sense of self worth"

"What does a zombie conductor say? Traaaains."