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Joke of the Day

"What is more inappropriate than a 7 year old saying ""I drink coffee""? Her saying ""I drink it black, like my men"""

"Having sex with a pregnant woman is like putting gas in a car that you've already wrecked. That's why I pull into the self serve"

"How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the guy driving the cardboard box."

"If you're ever unsure whether a person is a muppet or a human try shoving your hand up their ass."

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."

"Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent. All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it"

"Kid: How did you meet daddy? Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion..."

"[At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?"

"Coworker: What a crazy weekend! Me: *takes a knee* CW: What are you doing? M: Protesting this conversation."

"A: Took my temperature today. B: Oh really? A: No, rectally."